All Along

Have I posted this before? I want to share my favorite song. Or should I say the theme song of my life. I love my Lord for He's always there for me no matter how many times I fall...I know He loves me more, He loves me so much, and He's willing to transform me, change me, and conform me into His image, every time I come to Him and ask for His help.

ALL ALONG

Time just drifts away and as I look back on the years

Many years of happiness and bitter tears

Through it all there was a common thread that cannot be ingnored

You were there teaching me to be your servant, Lord

All along Your hand has been guiding me,

shaping my life to be a beautiful song

All along You've led me through 

the things that you do would make me strong

Your love has been there all along.

Every joy and pain has a reason of its own

Now I realize that I was not alone

The changing seasons of my life were not lift up to change

Lord I know you were working to fulfill Your plan.

Repeat Chorus

Tomorrow if I turn around and I look back at today

I will understand your purpose and my grateful heart will say...

Repeat Chorus

Thoughts...Realizations (During the First Week of Classes)

It's been a while since I decided to make this blog private for some reasons I no longer remember (hehe). Anyway, there has been a number of changes that happened in my life since then.

1. Yes, I successfully graduated from college this year by God's grace! Truly a blessing from above! Although there had been a number of people who helped me along the way-- my parents, my uncle, my friends, brothers and sisters in Christ who prayed for me, etc.-- there's someone whom I owe everything: the Lord Jesus Christ. He's the one who's been with me all along, through my pains, struggles, challenges, and through my successes, blessings, and joys. God has always been there and by His grace I believe I am so blessed. :)

2. I enrolled for a one-year certificate program (though still tentative) where I think will really be entirely upon God's grace. He will provide and suffice and if He wills me to continue, this might be one of the greatest blessings I've had in my life. There's much more that God has to purge and mold so that I may be able to conform to His image.

Training. Growth. Spiritual intimacy.

I do not desire for more, really. If there's something I really desire in my life, it's to (1) be able to love the Lord with all my heart, soul, spirit, and strength, to love Him so much that I'll always give Him the first claim of my life; to love Him so much that I'll desire to be in fellowship with Him every single minute of my life; to love Him so much that I won't dare hurt His feelings and that I'll do everything to glorify Him, (2) be more like Christ that when people look at me and my life, it's not me but Jesus whom they will see, that every time I do something, it will be for a blessing and of service to others; that my life will be focused outward, striving to honor God and minister to men in order to please Him; that in every character, every conduct, represents my Savior, my Lord; and that everything I do, there's a name who will be lifted up: Jesus, the sweetest name I know, and (3) be a virtuous woman, a woman God desires every woman to be, a woman who abides in the Word, who fears the Lord, who rests on His promises, who keeps His commandments, a woman who has a good testimony for the Lord.

There are many voices around me telling me what I should do in order to please men. Voices that tell me doing them means obedience...but the Lord speaks to my heart that no matter what happens, I should put Him first in my life. I should seek Him, and I should spend my time and resources for things that truly satisfy. It's so contradicting. Like the east is from the west. Things are not going my way. Things are going very unexpectedly. But God is able to deliver me, I know. He will give me wisdom to make wise and right decisions...to do what He really wills. I am so weak yet He is strong. And the more I encounter difficulties, the more I think of Him, the more I feel weak and incompetent, the more I realize He's strong and powerful. I know that His grace is sufficient for me for His strength is made perfect in weakness. Most rather therefore will I glory in my infirmities that the power of Christ may rest upon me. To God be the glory!

credits to Bible Verse Quotes

A 'Dream' Come True

The semester's almost over.  It's wonderful to think God gave me this great opportunity to study in a Bible school. It was before an almost impossible dream (because I'm a career woman) but God has truly blessed me with this school, with Bible student friends, with godly professors. At the same time, I can't help but to wonder what the end of all this could be. Will this be the last? Or will I be able to pursue or certificate program next year? Will I be able to enroll in music classes? How will the Lord work in my life in the next school year?

Reminiscing the past, I realized how the LORD weaved my story during these past few months:

September 2012: I will be a teacher soon.
October 2012: I read the new book I bought and contemplated on my spiritual life.
October 6, 2012: I committed to surrender my life to the Lord on the altar during a church's mission's conference (not as a Bible student, just my life)
October 15 or 22, 2012: I was invited to attend the voice recital in UP. Bible students were also invited. Met Bro. Christian, a Bible student from BJ.
October 16 or 23, 2012: searched the Bible school on the net...ahh! Sis. Catherine graduated there?
November 6, 2012: Accidentally saw Sis. Catherine at school and she advised me to inquire there. asked for directions. inquired at the school. Attended the devotion at 7pm.
November 8, 2012: Visited again. Met Bro. Christian again. It's been a while. Attended free classes, Women of the Old Testament and False Theological Systems. Met Sis. Faith at WOT and a Vietnamese named Sis. Minh at FTS.
November 9, 2012: Enrolled. Attended the devotion at 7pm.
November 13, 2012: First class. Learned a different view about prayer.
January 2013: Got my library card!
February 2013: Got my uniform!

Every time I attended class, I realized the more how the Lord loves me and how He has been faithful to me all this time. My Lord has been so great, He knows the best for my life. I want to know Him more. The future is truly uncertain but the Lord has a perfect plan.

Contemplations on my Life Goals

1. Know the LORD more

2. Love the LORD with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength

3. Learn different skills necessary to serve my family and other people (be a well-rounded woman)

4. Be a 'full-time' Bible student

5. Be a virtuous handmaid of the Lord

6. Build a family loving and serving the Lord and help others build the same.

Looking at these lifetime goals I have set for myself, sometimes I wonder why I have a great desire to pursue them. All my life, I have been living in an environment that desires to materially successful. I am a career woman. Everyday I hear from our professors that we'll be rich this way or that way...that studying in such a school offers us lots of opportunities in the field. My classmates want to be rich. Rich professors strive to get richer. Everyone dreams of having a high-paying job, building huge mansions, buying expensive cars, and living a comfortable life. 

I, too, dreamed of having them. I wanted to show both believers and unbelievers who have constantly ridiculed those who serve the Lord, that Christian workers can also be materially prosperous. I did not want them saying serving the Lord offers no benefit, that it's only an excuse of getting money from people. Even though I were not planning to marry a pastor or a missionary, I did not want them forbidding me to marry one because I would become poor. Well, I did not want to become poor. All the more, I were proud enough to ask help from other people, especially when it's about money. 

But recently I feel like losing my interest with a huge mansion, a good career, and other life's pleasures and indulgences. Yes, it's nice to have them but talking so much about them, working hard for them, striving so hard to get them, like achieving such pleasures is only what life is all about, doesn't make any sense to me. A loved one recently told me that his mother's life is now worthless because she's old enough and her children already had their own stable lives. He added that he can as well die after his children graduate and well, finish paying his life plan insurance so that his loved ones would no longer worry about the expenses for his funeral.

"Is this what life is really all about?" I thought. Waking up. Eating. Buying clothes. Studying. Working. Marrying. Having children. Dying.

What's the point then of being a Christian? Preachers continually say that we should live for Christ and serve Him while we may, but why does it feel like Christianity is merely a social or interest club? Why does it feel like Christian service is just an extra, a spice to enjoy life better? Why do they think working extra for the Lord means sacrifice?

I myself am not an exception. While it is my desire to be close to Him, while I have already committed one day to surrender my life to Him, I know most of the time I still fail to love Him with all my heart. Most of the time I'm still fooled by my deceitful and wicked heart.  While I have said a million times I want His will to be done in my life, I know at the back of my mind, I oft find it hard to imagine myself seeing the ones I know before saying, "Where did all your education and hard work go?" "Your parents wasted their money and effort just to have you finish college." "Where is your god?" "Isn't Christian service just an excuse for not being successful in your life?" It's even weirder to think how I actually imagine of being a virtuous servant of God. No particular career. But I want to spend my life glorifying the Lord. I mean, how is that possible? With my wicked life? Why am I even desiring to be with Him? Why do I even enjoy studying in the Bible school? Why do I even want to study full time there? Why do I want to learn everything I could so that I could help in any ministry? Everyone expects me to be something. I don't know but right now I just want to be a virtuous woman for the Lord--not a master teacher, not a high-paying professor, not a principal. Maybe I could work but my primary goal is to be someone who loves the Lord and others, someone who serves the Lord and others. Perhaps it's because God's Word tells us to put Him first in our lives. But shouldn't every Christian feel this way? 

I feel like everything in this world is vain. Without God, my life will also be in vain. I do not plan to be a missionary, a pastor's wife, nor a missionary's wife. Just a worker who does everything she can for the Lord. Just a Christian worker who is Christ-like and loves the Lord. You know, just like Daniel and Esther. I don't what awaits me with this desire. I feel so burdened, I really want this in my life but I don't want to make decisions based on my feelings. I'm the worst Christian but I want to be better by His grace. I want to have godly friends who would completely understand me. I truly desire to be close with those who share my desire. I believe I need friends who will understand me, encourage me and pray for me as I encourage and pray for them as well. I pray that God would give me these friends. I pray that I would make the wisest decisions by God's grace. I pray that He be the first priority in my life. I pray that He give me a deep burden for others so that I may think of them rather than myself. I pray that Jesus would be my best friend for ever. 

Not a genie. 

A best friend. 

Disclaimer: can't remember where I got it but it's not mine

Psalm 112

Praise ye the LORD.

The psalmist shows his delight in the LORD, seeing that praising Him is the first thing he thinks of. He does not complain. He does not ask. He shows how he is satisfied with the LORD's presence in His life. He recognizes the LORD's greatness and mighty acts…that He is the only LORD God.

Before you think of anything else, start each moment with praising God. Spend time thinking how great He is and how faithful He has been in your life. Praise Him. Give the glory due to Him. He deserves it. He has been so good, so merciful to us…so loving. He alone deserves honor. Worship His name.

BLESSED is the man that feareth the LORD, that delighteth greatly in His commandments.

The following verses prove the blessings God provides to the one who loves Him-- spiritually, physically, materially, etc. But it is not what really makes him blessed. The mere fact that the presence of the LORD is with Him is what makes him blessed. When one finds joy and peace with the LORD, it is the most fulfilling life he could live.

The blessed man…

1. Fears the LORD: loves to obey Him
2. Delighteth greatly in His commandments: loves to know His Word

The blessed man can ask for no more. He himself is satisfied with the LORD. And because of this satisfaction he experiences being with the LORD each moment, his life reflects the inward radiance of being with Christ.

• His seed shall be mighty upon the earth: the generation of the upright shall be blessed.

His inward radiance proves a living testimony that he reflects the LORD Jesus Christ in his life. This shows that his godliness is not merely outward. It's not only others who notice his deep intimacy with Christ, but also his OWN family. They witness his inward godliness, how he has been living in, with, and for Christ. He light shines in their lives; thus, they are influenced to pursue a life fully given to Christ, just as he lived. He need not speak. His actions speak louder than his words.

• Wealth and riches shall be in his house: his righteousness endureth forever.

The LORD never fails to sustain him. There is not a single day he starves for God prospers his life. Do not worry. Do not despair. The LORD will never forsake you. When you are close to Him, you can rest assured that He prepares something great in your life.

• Unto the upright there ariseth light unto darkness: he is gracious, and full of compassion, and righteous. A good man sheweth favour, and lendeth: he will guide his affairs with discretion.

His light shines in the world. His actions show how he is close to God. His godly life serves as a living testimony that there is a powerful God working in his life. Living a righteous life is natural for him by God's grace. It is the result of his love for the LORD. He becomes gracious, compassionate, righteous, discreet…all because it reflects Christ who lives in his heart.

• Surely he shall not be moved for ever: the righteous shall be in everlasting remembrance. He shall not be afraid of evil tidings: his heart is fixed, trusting in the LORD. His heart is established, he shall not be afraid, until he see his desire upon his enemies.

He is never afraid of his enemies. He trusts in the LORD. He lives for the LORD alone. His world revolves in God. He exists to serve His Master. What everybody else thinks does not matter. He thinks of what pleases God. He does not wallow in guilt and remorse for he knows the LORD has already washed his sins away. He has been cleansed white as snow. He does not live in self-loathing because he is no longer on the throne of his life. It is Christ. It is His LORD. The only one who deserves His attention.

When you live for the LORD, your earthly desires will slowly vanish away and you will be consumed by Him. You will desire to accomplish what He desires in your life and His will and your will become one. Kick yourself off the throne of your heart that He may freely sit on it and rule Your life. When your life is focused on the LORD, you will never be in despair and loneliness. He satisfies your soul as the Shepherd to his sheep. Your heart will be established on Him alone…

• The wicked shall see it, and be grieved; he shall gnash with his teeth, and melt away: the desire of the wicked shall perish.

THE WICKED SHALL SEE IT! As you live your life secretly for the LORD, He will work in your life OPENLY. Those who are against your God will witness how powerful the LORD is and they will grieved. They can never harm you. The LORD shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace. They themselves will falter. They will fall down.

Prayer:

O LORD, my God, truly You are great. Only You deserve the praise and glory, Lord. You are exalted above the heavens. LORD, you have been so faithful to me. You know my need, you know my weaknesses.  You remember that I am dust and ashes. You have been so merciful, my LORD, and you help me get out of this mire that I am in. You are the source of my joy and peace. Only You satisfy me. With you by my side,   you promised that I will never be alone. I will never be in despair and distress for you will fight for me. No one can harm me for You will protect me. You will always be there for me, O LORD. Let me love you with all my heart, with all my soul, and with all my mind. Consume me with Your presence that I may not ask for anything more. By Your grace, I kick myself off the throne of my heart that you may sit on it and rule in my life. Let Your desire be my desire, LORD. Let me live each moment of my life pleasing You and glorifying Your name…from the moment I wake up to the moment I lay my head down and sleep. Let my thoughts be filled with You. To be radically given to You is my lone desire. I yield to You my body, soul, and spirit. I yield to You my thoughts. I yield to You my heart that You may use everything in me for Your glory. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Thank You List

Today, I am thankful for...

1. God's everlasting love for me-- He makes me feel so cherished, no one cares like Him. He is the only one who has always been there for me no matter what happens. He forgives me of my sins...and gives me new hope, new chance to live.

2. peace only God can give me-- I may be troubled, but the Lord sustains me. With Him I can rest, for I know He's there.

3. a new refreshing day, a day to be with Him and feel His presence

4. a long time to talk with Him, to discover how much He loves me

5. my Bible-- I don't know what will happen to me if I don't have it.

6. Leslie Ludy's "Authentic Beauty"-- This one has been a blessing for me.

7. our new housekeeper (the one who guards our house while everyone's away)...she's sweet

8. lovely pink orchid flowers I bought for a cheap price

9. my childhood friend, Sarha: She offered help. I'm thankful.

10. online Christian bloggers-- Though I lack friends right now who would be interested talking about God, reading their blogs makes me feel like there is still someone out there whom I can talk with.

11. that person who resembles Christ in my life--- I have never told you how I truly feel, but I am so thankful I have always wanted to do something for you...maybe someday, with God's help.

12. challenges and trials--- without these I wouldn't realize how faithful God is

13. Christian music--- play whenever I can't control myself...then pray hard.

14. electric fan--- you made me feel comfortable, despite the humidity this afternoon

15. satisfying food-- because I'm home, I don't have to worry about food expenses. hehe

16. few women out there who stand for God. I ma not know you personally, but you inspire me.

17. God's reminders...

18. books-- it's a pleasure to read them

19. Sis. Vanessa-- you know there's still someone out there, with her friendly smile.

20. my family--- somehow they help mold me into a lady.

Choosing Friends

"Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend."

-Proverbs 27:17

There is nothing more comforting in times of trouble than to be assured that there will always be a friend by your side on whom you can count on. You know you gather more hope and courage whenever you hear someone cheering you up with encouraging words. In fact, sometimes the mere presence of a friend is all you really need.

We need not debate over the fact that Jesus is the best example of a friend. He is everybody's best friend. Everyone who accepts Him as their personal Savior can be confident that He will never leave him nor forsake him. In spite of the fact that we cannot literally see him, we know he's there because we feel him. What's even more amazing is that He does not only listen. He even answers prayers!

I remember these past few days when I felt so depressed, I thought I was hopeless, he surprisingly talked to me in all the preaching and messages we had. It's not that I do not have faith, but isn't it weird that all bible messages you have read points out to you? Isn't it weird that just when everyone is expecting for a 'hard preaching', the preacher suddenly gives a different topic: encouragement. Weird because we do not exactly have totally depressing problems in the  church.

Last Sunday, I was not the assigned teacher, but the teacher got sick and I had to turn over. To my surprise, the topic was again about encouragement and exactly what I was feeling! Amazing, right? You know God is so powerful. He knows what's best for you. He already has a plan.

Not only that He's an ever faithful friend to us, He even sends for more 'angels' to comfort us and edify us. Friends, as we call them. They are the ones who help us grow and become more like Jesus. The problem, however, is that not all 'friends' possess those characteristics. Good friends help us become a better person. Bad friends oft times make us become worse.

This issue has been occupying my thoughts recently. So much as I treasure my friends as precious jewels, I realize that at times I do not feel good being around some of them. I enjoy myself and even have a good laugh when talking with them, but it always seems like there's something missing. Eventually, God has slowly given answers to these questions. 

No matter how the company may be good, it's still not the kind of friendship God planned for me. God compared friends to irons who sharpen each other, but if the friendship does not help you grow closer to God, or makes you stay away from His will, then probably it's not the kind of friendship God would be blessed with.

As I reread a very old post by Johanna & Bethany, Reflections of Grace, (if you're wondering, I'm really fond of reading other people's blogs. I hope they won't mind me mentioning them. :)) ) I vividly realized what kind of friends God wants us to have and most especially to be. I realized that if there's something I should be really close with, it should be my fellow Christian friends. Someone whom I can confidently talk about Jesus, someone who will carefully listen and give wise advice. Not someone who gossips, curses, etc. 

Most of all, someone who shares the same convictions with me as I Christian woman. (And this not only applies to them, it also applies to us, for before we gain good godly friends, we need first be good friends to others.)

True, you have to choose your friends wisely and though I never wanted to break the bond that my friends and I formed, I know I should do something to fulfill it. Should I leave them or keep them? for they have been a great part of my life.

I hope to find the courage and make wise decisions regarding this issue.